Joe McShoots wiped the tears from his eyes and moved closer to the box labelled “Red Dragon”. He opened the wooden lid, and a blinding white light filled the air around them.
A cackling sound could be heard in that whiteness, but Skellian and Joe McShoots couldn’t see anyone in front of them. “Oh god damn it, lad,” Skellian said, his knees trembling. “We’ve heard that laughing before, ain’t we?”
“I’m starting to get a bit sick of this nonsense, Skell. Bet you it’s that robed bag of bones once again, eh.”
The laughing got louder. “My friends, you are correct. However, label me as a bag of bones again, and I’ll put you out of your misery permanently. Mark my damned words, will you.”
Skellian punched McShoots in the arm. “Well, by the tree of life, you were right old Shooty. You were right!”
“Now,” the skeletal figure said slowly. “You are back with me once again. Good. Well, it should be good, I summoned you here.” The figure shook his head and looked down at the ground. “I really need to work on making sense when I talk. But alas, we meet again.”
Joe McShoots was stood with his arms folded, tapping his left foot on the ground. “Listen, you robe- uh … I mean, bony person of supreme excellence, sir. Me and my friend here are getting a little tired of being messed around by the likes of you. Now once and for all, tell me what on earth we’re doing back here. Please.”
“Ah, Joe,” the figure said. “Always the impatient one, are you not? But agreed, it is not my intention to mess you around, now. Is it? So here goes…”
Joe McShoots whistled. “About time! Out with it then, man.”
The figures before them nearly choked. “I’m getting to it, blast you! Now. The reason you are here. I have a certain … trouble, shall we say, of letting you go.”
Skellian sipped some ale from a small cup in his back pocket. “Aye, I knew it. We’re just too good to toss out into the garbage, am I right?”
The robed figure laughed. “Something like that, Skellian, yes. So I have summoned you both one last time. My last grand plan fell rather . . . flat, should I say. And that was entirely my fault. This time, however, I believe you deserve an adventure like no other. How does that sound?”
Skellian looked at Joe McShoots. “Lad, I think we’ll be needin’ a rest before any more adventurin’. I’m a bit knackered, know what I mean?”
Joe McShoots thought for a second, then nodded. “Oh robed one of such awesome gracefulness,” he said.
The figure spat on the ground. “Enough with the arse licking, young man. I am sick of it. Talk to me normally, if you’re capable of doing so.”
Joe looked pissed off. “Fine. Ok, basically, my companion here is a bit worn out, you know? I mean, he’s old as shit, in all honesty, and we can’t just be flung straight back out there immediately. He needs time to rest. Maybe have some food, a long sleep. Maybe I’ll cut his beard for him … or something.”
The robed man before them rubbed at his chin, or what Skellian assumed was his chin underneath that pitch black hood. “I see. I guess, after all you’ve been through together, I can allow that. How long do you need?”
Joe whispered with Skellian for some time, turned back to the figure and said, “About three months?”
The figure nearly dropped dead on the spot. “Three blasted months?! Not a chance, boy. You’ll have a week. That is all I’m going to give you. Who in the hell needs three months of rest? Bloody hell. Piss takers.”
Joe McShoots sighed. “Fine, fine. A week is good enough.” The figure nodded.
Skellian slapped Joe on the back. “But we want to be sent somewhere nice for a week. No dodgy desert plains full of volcanos, or weird multi coloured camels, or half-men half-beasts that will murder us in our sleep. I’m beggin’ ya. Send us somewhere bloody decent, or I swear on me life, I’ll do somethin’ seriously stupid.”
The figure laughed. “Well, I wouldn’t want either of you doing anything stupid. Although your escapades so far have been … questionable. But granted, I’ll fling you off somewhere not too shabby. Now, be gone with the pair of you. The figure once again raised his hands, and the pair found themselves hurtling through that blinding light once again.
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